My Beautiful Mother, Janet Butterfield Major

Most of you know that my mom died when I was 4 years old from Cancer. She was diagnosed with Leukemia at age 27 and passed away on April 29, 1985 at the young age of 29. When I turned 27 I was so sure I was going to get cancer and every little ache or sickness I got I was so worried, "what if I had the same thing". This year I turned 29 and I couldn't help to think about my mom. I think about her all the time. She must have been so scared and so sad to leave a 4 year old. I can't imagine dying at this age and having to leave Jake and Kambree all by themselves. I have really no memories of her except 3. I remember making her toast when she was sick. Even though I would burn it she would still eat it and was so grateful. A few years back I was eating pears and remembered that she always would let me drink her pear juice. It's sort of weird how food can bring so many memories. And the last memory is a terrible one. I remember coming home from staying with my grandparents house and my dad was sitting on our rocking chair. I ran through the whole house asking where mommy was? I was so excited to see her. Then my dad showed me her picture in the newspaper and told me that she was in heaven. I remember him crying and holding me and how sad I felt that I wouldn't get to see her again. The great thing is that I know that I will see her again some day and I know she is in a good place. But it doesn't make it any easier to not have her and to not have any memories of her and who she was. I MISS HER SOOOOO MUCH! So many people have told me what an amazing person she was. They say she never said anything negative or bad about anyone. I once asked my dad if that was true. How could anyone never say anything bad about anybody? He confirmed that she was just always so happy and optimistic and loved everyone. I am trying to be like her more. I love it when someone says how much I look or act like her. That I have her laugh. I know lots of kids dread being compared to their parents but I want to be just like her. (and my dad of course, he is a great guy!) So I decided to dedicate this post to her and to the pictures I have to remind me what she looked like and how beautiful and kind her smile is. I can't wait to meet her one day. Here is a poem she wrote to me while she was in the hospital. It's hard to read because she was never able to do any of these things in person, but I know without a doubt that she was there in spirit. 


       I Want To Live                                       
 by Janet Butterfield Major

Little Julie, so precious and dear,
I want to live long enough to hear
The fun things you do on your first day of school, 
About all your friends, and learning the Golden Rule. 


And as you turn to the age of eight
I want to be alive-for baptism can't wait. 
You'll be learning and growing each and every day. 
I hope I'll be alive to help you on your way. 


As you turn to your teens, instead of toys come boys. 
I want to be there to share in your joys. 
I want to be there if you get a broken heart. 
Or if you ever feel you need a new start. 


Let's not forget the first time you drive a car. 
I want to be alive to make sure you don't go far. 
I want to be there on your Graduation Day
A proud mother I'll be in the things you say. 


To college you'll go to get smart as can be
I hope you won't forget your father and me. 
I hope I can help you study for your tests. 
I know I can count on you to do you best. 


You'll meet a man who will treat you very good. 
He will believe the same as you, I hope he's not a hood. 
I want to be there when you're dressed all in white
A wedding in the temple, I know you'll choose the right. 


You'll make me very happy when children you bare, 
I'll be a good Grandma, one who really cares. 
I want to enjoy all this and much more. 
You're a wonderful daughter, this I am sure.

I love you mom, thank you for putting up a fight and trying to make it. I know you love me and can't wait to meet you some day. Love your little girl, Julie